Cut yourself some slack. Grief can make you a stronger person than you were before. Sometimes the people you think will be there for you are not. People you never expect become your biggest supporters. Watch your drinking— alcohol can quickly become an unhealthy friend. You will have to face your emotions eventually — you can avoid them for a while, but they will catch up with you in the end. Grief changes you and you are never the same. Nothing you do in the future will change your love for the person who died.
Eventually, you will begin to enjoy life again, date again, have another child, seek new experiences, or whatever. None of these things will diminish your love for the person you lost.
What do you wish someone had told you about grief that we left off the list?? Leave a comment to keep the list going. Subscribe to stay up to date on all our posts.
Sarah October 10, at pm Reply. No one told me how hard life is….. The long time effects growing with parents are so hard. I was very close to my Nan she was like a mother to me I sadly lost my Nan to a stroke in A week ago my grandad has passed away… I feel Like all my loss has been brought up again… my heart has literally been ripped from my chest. The amount of pain and suffering. Life is really unfair the pain for your loves ones never stop.
You just have to learn to live without them. Kanika Mehta August 28, at am Reply. It is important to talk about grief to help other heal. Been through my share of bad days, I talk about it too, to help others. Thank you for sharing this. Hope these words will help someone somewhere.
Raymone August 15, at pm Reply. I wish I would have known how incredibly deep the hurt is, and how there is a space that is empty and will never be filled. My hope is that all of you will feel joy someday again. Karen July 9, at pm Reply.
I lost my partner of 30 years to a 6-week Cancer battle in May, He was my everything. My best friend and support system. What they also do not tell you, is that like you, the family is in shock and grieving to the point where they have abandoned you instead of coming together to be supportive. Shannon July 9, at am Reply. I lost my dad unexpectedly in August He had RA and pulmonary fibrosis. He died while in the hospital for what we believed was pneumonia.
After he and my mom divorced, he stopped drinking, straightened out some things in life and was close to celebrating his 25th anniversary with my stepmother when he died. They had 2 kids together.
We were literally 2 different families though, who came together as one while he was having rough times with his illnesses and more so when he died. My mom died in July after a brief, but fierce battle with a rare cancer. It was certainly unexpected. My mother was my best friend. She had taken care of my stepfather for 35 years. She took care of him so well, that he barely knew how to handle the funeral home, pay bills and was unfamiliar with taking care off there house and meals.
I have spent the last year taking care of him and teaching him. Admitting that and just being there when I needed him most was the most helpful thing he could have done. Elizabeth Taylor June 28, at am Reply. Hello, I lost my mum and dad within 10 weeks of each other. My mum had cancer and she fought for 4 years. Then after she had passed away my dad told me he was coughing up blood and it turned out he had stage 4 lung cancer — then 10 weeks later he was gone.
I know you lose your parents — but due to an error long story my dad screamed for 5 hours because he was in so much pain prior to him dying. I just wanted to say that I know the guilt and the pain. As though we should be ok after however long. We are all strong and living our lives with all these complex, horrendous trauma is like carrying a backpack full of stones — it physically hurts. Everyone should be kind to themselves. Grieve YOUR way. Lots of Love to everyone on here xxx.
Nichole June 19, at am Reply. We had time to say goodbye but something is wrong….. She was my absolute best friend and we spent so much time together, but I am not really grieving. How long till it sinks in? This probably sounds weird but I wish I could cry and sob and miss her but here I am just ….. Nichole, I lost my dad 8 yrs ago, and I felt the exact way you have described. I thought I was coping and I guess to some extent I was.
This year I finally found myself crying and feeling those numbed out emotions. I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but when all three of the, are ready to process you will! Marie Gaskell October 11, at am Reply. The first year was a breeze in retrospect. I guess I was numb. I was her caregiver so there was also s huge sense of relief.
This was so unexpected. I wish someone had told me that year 2 would be the hardest. Kat October 26, at pm. Heart goes out to you. I lost my mum at the end of And I very much relate to feeling this way. I hope that helps a little. Thinking of you x. Carol May 30, at pm Reply. My husband took his own life nearly 1 year ago. I have the most amazing 2 sons, one of which has learning difficulties.
I wish that people would use the term dead or died instead of lost. I wish people would stopped telling me how strong I am. Hello Carol, I am so sorry to hear about your husband. Genuinely my love. What do people expect you to do????? You have NO choice but to carry on. You have your two amazing sons to look after. I hope your sons are doing the best that they can.
Lots of Love. Sam May 25, at pm Reply. My mom passed away a week ago. It was sudden and unexpected. My dad has been ill and bedridden for over a year, so me and my siblings had all been mentally preparing for losing him. My mom had been depressed for so long since my dad became ill, and I had been harboring this fantasy that when he passed she would come back to herself. I go from having intense emotions one day to being completely numb the next.
Cheryl May 4, at pm Reply. Grief is sometimes not about grieving a death. A loved one who committed a horrific crime and being sent to prison is a complicated grief.
We learn empathy we never thought possible. To grieve lifes destroyed because of a mistake. Vicki May 9, at pm Reply. I completely agree. I am devastated with grief. Shania April 30, at pm Reply.
I am 23 years old and my grandmother passed away January,27, She got sick one day and been in the hospital 3 months until she was able to come home i decided to drop everything college and getting my license to become her care taker. She was and still is my best friend. Sandra Lyles April 30, at am Reply. It took me a year and a half to realize that when I lost my mom I lost a branch of my family, my childhood home and city.
I was so angry until I identified it for the grief that it actually was tied to. I also as a caretaker lost my purpose and my happy zone with her. Jessica C May 12, at pm Reply. I lost my mom 3 months ago, she was my best friend, my rock, my everything. I honestly struggle trying to see a future without her in it. She was healthy and happy then the next day gone.
Lisa May 22, at am. Jessica April 29, at am Reply. I lost my brother on march 13 do to suicide. My brother was my best friend. He had been battleling a big drug addiction for 20 years. I misss him dearly. Even if he had problems he was always there for me. And now i feel alone and so mad at him. I have so many unanswered questions!!! Could i had saved him? Is it my fault? Why did he choose to make us go tru all this.
I have this anger inside of me and i dont know how to deal with it. Jude April 30, at pm Reply. Dear Jessica, I just read your message and I just wanted to reach out to you. You sound like you love your brother so much. Take care of yourself and sending love your way x.
Unfortunately we our family had a similar experience with our loss of Brendan.. My baby boy.. Life changed forever from a phone call My heart and prayers are being sent to you Jessica and your family. He struggled all the time and I love him so much that it hurt my heart more to see all the struggles and pain he went through. My love and light and prayers to you. Sincere, Margaret xoxo. Julie September 3, at pm Reply. Hello Jessica, I am so sorry for your loss.
I have also lost my younger brother who was my best friend to drugs on Aug31,, he was I feel exactly like you said. I should have done more, I should have been there for him. I have this immense guilt in my heart because he always came to me, I was the one he trusted, when everything else would let him down.
We found him in bed, he overdosed and because he was always left to sleep in no one knew until around 6pm that day and he was already ice cold. I wanted him around soo soo much more.
I really need to know. Litsa September 14, at am. Julie -I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your brother. It sounds like you loved your brother deeply. Madi April 16, at pm Reply. I wish someone had told me grief is not reserved for the dead. Greg grief of loss of the living is equally and sometimes greater than the grief for those who have died.
Exactly the same emotions but worse because of the rejection. Grief counseling is just as valid for the loss of a living person as of a dead person. Cecilia April 20, at pm Reply. Madi, I wish that too. I found this thread after watching a movie that really made me meditate on the death of my loved ones and how it could really happen any time — but so far in my life the greatest grief has been of a guy I was in love with when I was No human being had ever made me feel more safe, seen, and truly myself, and after he moved away it felt like my life had a giant hole.
It was a secret, so I suffered in silence, not telling my family but feeling like life had the color sucked out of it. But honestly, I think the experiences are ultimately helping me grow. Now I feel like I have a greater joy for my day to day — I can truly value the present and celebrate the privilege of being okay. Tonya April 14, at am Reply. I lost my brother not even a month after his 53 bday. It was a horrific site to have seen. He had a heart attack.
Not like the ones you see on tv. I have all kinds of emotions to add to my pain. He came home for Christmas after being gone a year. I cry because I feel guilty I see the new spring! I want to scream at times!!! My heart is so shattered. I loved my brother with my whole heart!!
I his death will surely take its toll on my being! I need to say I love you.. I need to call him… I need that text good nite.. I need to fix him a meal.. I need a hug.. I need him to walk through the door..
I need to show him the daily pic of my granddaughter… I need to tell him I love him!!! For I will live my life to be certain of my salvation!!! Kaylee April 16, at am Reply. To have to them to always carry with me. I personized a notebook so I could write down my fondest memories of them and to talk to them directly through writing.
I hope you all find comfort soon and you will continue to heal from your loss peacefully. Bella June 15, at pm. Matthew August 26, at pm. Kaylee thank you so much. I needed help crying and that mayday song was perfect. I lost the love of my life suddenly a week ago and my past, present, and most importantly my future has been shattered. There was no goodbye but I never let a day pass without showing her how I felt.
I wish she would haunt me. I wish she could posses me for a moment so that she can see herself through my eyes. The shock and numb stage sucks. My crying has been soft and sporadic. Thank you. Chandra May 6, at pm Reply. Tonya, Your comment popped up front and center after clicking the link from a previous assignment.
We have similar experiences in losing a brother and as I read your words I felt like they were my exact words last year after losing my brother unexpeditly. The heaviness will subside and you will endure. God will guide you.
Trust him. I wish there was a way to share my email address so we could connect if you just need a listening ear. Blessings to you as you grieve. Sophie Stephenson June 29, at am Reply. Wow, Tonya. That is so powerful. I just lost my brother and am feeling shattered too.
I wish you peace and comfort and thank you for sharing. Clancy Collins April 11, at pm Reply. No human show be forced to die all d as lone. Jeandre Van Rooijen April 1, at am Reply. I had an anxiety attack because my mom drunk dialled me at night, I honestly thought something was wrong — turns out she was on her way to bed after too much wine and wanted to talk about work.
I also lost 2 dogs shortly after I lost my dad, and sure, many people will say that they are just pets…but because I was already grieving, it hit really hard and I fell into a deeper hole because I was sure that I was being tormented by death.
Now I got a new puppy to help me cope with the grief and I am too scared to leave her at home alone just in case some freak accident takes her from me as well. Cwarren yahoo. When the pain comes, allow it, allow the tears and heartache exactly as they are, no matter where you are or what ur doing and with whom.
Just feel it all for what it is in that moment. This is how grief moves forward. If you stop it, it will break you when you least expect it. Phathu March 19, at am Reply. Andy March 17, at pm Reply. Until that day.. I share that very lonely and difficult journey of grief with all those on the same journey. Not Until that day.. I share that very lovely and difficult journey of grief with all those on the same journey.
I struggle with the overwhelming pain and deep dark thoughts. My heart, my head consumed with overbearing grief. I know the one I love is not here anymore but so wish they were. I miss my wife in so many ways that I never knew i thought I could.
Constantly in a void. The middle of no where. Cannot look back…to painful Cannot move forward…dont know how. I exist but I no longer feel real. The world goes on…I stand still. It says I will find a way…I will learn to live again……. My pain only serving to remind me how brave we all need to be if we are to get to that place of peace one day. It gives me the hope that I can find that place I will once more feel I belong. My prayers and thoughts go out to you all.
Kim June 9, at pm Reply. Andy, my husband died on March 5, Your post touched my heart and said so much of what I am experiencing. My prayers go out to you too. God bless you and all who are grieving.
Karen Brown March 14, at pm Reply. My husband passed away 2 years ago after an 8 year courageous fight against cancer. We were married for 35 years. My crying comes in waves. I feel like this is completely alien territory…. Donna March 12, at am Reply. Lois LaVerne March 3, at pm Reply. I lost my husband 8 months ago. I love most of what you wrote above, but I do take exception to 8.
There is Not always time for that moment to say goodbye. Thankful that I did. Frankie March 1, at pm Reply. Jamie DeRodeff February 18, at pm Reply.
The relationship does not end when a loved one does it changes and continues. We may feel crazy or fear to be viewed as crazy,to speak to them aloud. I guess it boils down to beliefs. Do we believe in GOD? And still considered to be wishful thinking to believe their energy goes on in some shape or form and have moments we believe it is more than coincidental.
If anything the loss of Christopher made me believe more. It seemed undeniable at times. Few days after his death I wanted to find the highest mountain to walk up and scream or as if I would be closer to the sky to maybe see him.
The world felt still and surreal as if I stood at the edge of a piece of land to another world, right where they met. I searched for him in crowds, in the woods, in the stars. The last two years I have become more fearless, more present majority of days more in tune with humanity at minimum. Once a month or maybe once every two months I do have a day something hits me and it takes me over.
I allow it I take long candlelight baths with soft jazz or Johnny Cash who was his favorite. Oh yes and I cry. But that one day I went to bring food to his parents and sat at our bench along the water we met at for over 20 years since we were high school sweethearts.
I asked that day he let me know he is not gone. I immediately realized it was that song from the Titanic and that was our movie. A violinist really? His last name is Decker and he is a marine as I rewinded Love and Robots on Netflix and abruptly stopped crying. There are still days I hit the road for work and meet 10 people all day and 6 or 7 of them will be named Chris, even the women. Common name but still strikes me as odd. I carry his picture in the work truck and like to believe he makes me stronger and better at what I do.
I can feel him not always but at times. Maybe wishful thinking but my beliefs are heavy that people are more than just some matter thrown together with an electrical current. The question is, can we still interact or speak to our loved one who has passed while still in this world and us still here. His death date is around the corner and I probably needed to rant more than letting you know this is missing off your list.
Thanks to any who made it to the end and maybe you needed to hear that your loved one is still around. Beth April 19, at am Reply. I remember trying to be as close to the clouds and heaven as possible. I parked at the top of my office building garage. I know there is more after death. Lynne February 13, at am Reply. Thank you for this article. Isabelle Siegel February 17, at pm Reply. Molly Karlsson February 9, at am Reply. Ive been grieving since i was 9 years old, and i feel like it never stops.
My aunt passed away in , my dads mom in then both grandparents on my moms side inn I was close with all of them and i feel like i cant let go. Whenever i talk to my mom about any of them i end up crying and my mom dosent. I talk about them with my therapist often and i always cry. Im 22 today and i still griveve the loss of them to this very day as i just finished crying. I wish i could let them go but i cant, i cant accept the face that they were all taken too soon.
But i will never regret loving them this hard. It gets easier but you never fully recover. Isabelle Siegel February 9, at am Reply. All the best to you. Karen Aggett February 9, at pm Reply. I hear you. I lost my nan 37 years ago and it still hurts a lot.
I still cry for her. I lost my grandad 27 years ago and it is the same. I have lost countless friends far too soon and I grieve for them all. Then, last year I lost my son to suicide and I cannot even begin to describe how this pain has taken over the other grief pains. It is unbearable and I will live my life in grief.
I feel for you, because I have been in grief for 37 years and it has only got worse, because the most precious thing, my son, is also now gone. Forever 33, my son Dean. I hope you can find peace and comfort in the love you have for all your lost ones, even though the pain is unendurable, you loved hard, so you will grieve hard.
Unfortunately that is how it is. The only way you can escape grief, is by not loving…and we would all prefer the love in our lives than no feeling. Take care precious x. Isabelle Siegel February 10, at pm. I highly recommend you check out this article on cumulative grief, a. Jennifer February 21, at pm Reply.
I lost my Mom, Oct. She died at home and my poor Dad was with her when it happened as I say expectedly, unexpected. In the middle of it my husband, kids, and I were moving from Oklahoma to Texas for ministry.
Leaving my home as I grew up in Oklahoma was hard enough, but I was excited and then this… Literally spent 1 week packing then my Mom passed. I had to be there for my Dad and sister, so I took on the phone calls and planning of the funeral, as well. I was sooo very numb! The day after my Mom passed we had to move! Thinking I was going crazy because I go from one mood to the next. Jesus has been my sole strength getting through all of this! Thank you!
Active, healthy grieving requires balance—balancing the time you spend directly working on your grief with the time you spend coping with your day-to-day life; balancing the amount of time you spend with others with the time you spend alone; balancing seeking help from others with caring for yourself. Focusing too strongly on any single side of these pairings is getting off-track.
Here are some things others have found useful in their healthy grieving. Choose the ones that fit for you, or make up your own methods of self-care. Remember that grieving is an active process, it takes energy that will likely have to be temporarily withdrawn from the usual pursuits of your life. Treat yourself with the same care, tolerance, and affection you would extend to a valued friend in a similar situation. For more information on the grieving process and how to help yourself or someone in grief, here are a few excellent resources:.
Log-in to the new Student Portal to see your upcoming appointments, fill out forms, sign up for text reminders, and update your personal information like your name and pronouns! If you are experiencing a psychological crisis outside our working hours and cannot wait until we are open, please call the My SSP at Check out our flyer and feel free to distribute! Counseling Center. Grief can put everything we know into perspective, even for the youngest of our patients.
For instance, we know of both internal and external factors that can help children adjust after the loss of a loved one. Internal factors include coping strategies, such as emotional expression. Children who are able to express their thoughts and feelings about the death tend to adjust better over the long term. Fortunately, a promising external strategy involves identifying mentors and role models who can show these children firsthand that they can still go on to lead the life they always wanted, despite the pain of having lost a loved one.
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